This year has been a rollercoaster.

It’s been awhile since I’ve been on

One of these rides. Just when I try to

Steady myself atop a hill of these

Railings and someone sends me back

Around, but faster and bumpier.

I close my eyes so I won’t be

So dizzy, but my head spins nonetheless.

It’s gonna take time to be back to

My old self and improved, but I feel

As though time is the last thing I have.

It feels as though the clock’s ticking

Quickly and they’re asking me for the

World in just a day. I close my eyes

And fight tears. No time for them.

I shove all my emotions into

Bottles. No time for them.

I put my frustrations into a file.

No time for them. So much

Weight to haul and all of

The other things can wait.

Time passes so quickly.

No time, no time!

I’ll be fine. Just close your

Eyes until then. You’ll be fine.

You need to do your best

Right now. There are still things to do!

Hurry. Heal faster. Close your

Eyes until then. Just breathe,

Mays. Just breathe. No time,

No time. It can wait. Chill

Just enough to make it.

It’s fine.

 

But time is what you need.

You can do better, but you need

To take time. What you really

Need requires it.  Slow down.

Calm down, Santirece. Just calm down

Before all of this drives you to

Down bottles like nothing.

Chill. You’re right. Breathe.

But breathe at a pace slow

Enough for your heart

Stop beating so quickly.

Breathe so time stands still

Or goes slower. Don’t

Question yourself. It’s okay.

It’s okay.ar

 

Where has this year gone?

How has my life turned

Into this? Where has time gone?

Where have your limits gone?

Where have I gone?

*sighs*

 

I look at my hands a moment

And I see the time I’ve spent

Trying to rush recovery.

Time! Time! Time is passing!

Hurry! Hurry! Do this,

Do that. Pay this, pay that.

Miss this day, we need to take

Care of this. Stop leaving

Early so much! I don’t care

Anymore! I don’t care about

Walking across that stage,

I don’t care about pictures,

Just let me graduate and

Leave me alone! I’m trying,

Damn it!

 

Inhale, Santirece.Just breathe.

Cry if need be, but stop dragging

These heavy, heavy weights with

Every ounce of strength you muster. You’re

Gonna break something.

You still have scrapes and bruises

From all the times you did so.

But before you lose it.

Pray. Do what it takes to get

Better. Just take your time.

Take your time.

 

Even if it feels limited…