Thank You Note
I wrote a poem once about how you need to break
To truly shatter if you ever want to learn to put yourself back together again
Because no mosaic is built without first becoming broken pieces
And I guess that poem was a thank you note
So thank you
Thank you for breaking me like sea glass
Crashing against the shore
Reminding me every time I go outside
How unlovable I really feel
But thank you for the poems
The words
And the stanzas
And the paragraphs
And the paragraphs
And the paragraphs
Because the truth is I could not concentrate over the sound of my beating heart.
So when you ripped it out
I could finally hear the wind
I could finally hear the whispers of life
And of death
And of all the poems I have written or may someday write
Since you are gone
Thank you for showing me how to die
How to crumble in a foreign city
And how to live again
Without every thing you thought kept you alive.
Thank you for the surprises
The realization that I am stronger than I thought
That you are weaker than I thought
And that the world is so much darker than we both thought
And someday I will stand on a stage
And say my thank you’s to anyone who helped me arrive at that place
And I’ll thank you most of all but you won’t know I said it
No one will know I said it
And maybe you would have if you I were there
As if I’d ever let you be.
As if cold isn’t the only feeling I associate you with now
So thank you for helping me appreciate the warmth of other lovers
Thank you for always telling me I deserved more though we knew it wasn’t true
Though we knew you could be more you just didn’t want to
And thank you for not wanting to
I learned so much from you
And I really do thank you
I’m just sorry I ever loved you
But this isn’t an apology this is a thank you
Thank you for the dinners
And the movies
And all the drinks
That I used to think were gifts
And thank you for the tears I used as ink
For the inspiration in your indifference
And heartbreak is the gift that keeps on giving
And I know you’ll never stop taking
And I’ll never stop thanking
But thank you for letting me go
For not holding me closer
For not kissing me longer
For not texting every day
And for never pretending to love me