One moment, a multitude of thoughts
The fear swells up like a raging storm
It envelopes my muscles and my knees go weak
Let it go, clear my head, take the leap

Two shoes over, one step back
I find comfort in the monotonous order
Two jumps up, one stretch down
Focus on the routine to keep the storm at bay

The time has come, no turning back now
Sunlight glistens off the mats
How can such a beautiful day be so solemn
Lean back and go, explode onto the track

Up then over, one thing at a time
The mantra repeats, an unyielding mental monologue
My feet leave the ground in a rush of emotion
Initiate the jump, all my trust is in
Head, shoulders, back, butt, everything sails over the bar
And then,
Disaster.

If only, I had pulled my foot back more
If only, the bar had been a millimeter farther back
If only, I was a shoe size smaller
The weight of emotional pain rains down like a monsoon

They depended on me and I let them down
Pick yourself up, get your life together
Forgive, forget, and move on
A suspension of reality
Because unlike life you have two chances left