because i love you

i only smile as i watch you tilt back the milk carton

white drops running down your chin

the lips softly parted.

i only smile even though

mysophobia runs in my family

because i know

what it’s like to be touched by those lips and i know that

the things that your lips touch

are soft and sweet and they will be okay.

 

because i love you

i sip your fears until

i drain them dry

to stop them

from draining you.

even though

sometimes

they burn and rip at my throat

until my esophagus

is nothing more than

sandpaper.

i do it for you -

i swallow the bile and the blood

i choke it all down

not because you make me

you would never make me

but because i want to.

 

because i love you

i cherish

your cold feet tucked into my side

the dimple that sweetens your left cheek

tender calluses on your fingertips where they

press against the strings to make a melody

the rips in your jeans where you knelt in the soft earth

to plant sunflowers with me.

your arms around my shoulders

that never feel heavy.

the curls at the base of your neck and

the one on your forehead that never stays put.

 

i cherish

the way you meet my eyes

even when we disagree -

the respect that lingers there.

the way i’m sorry sounds when it’s formed

by your mouth because i know

it’s sincere.

the way you cradle my palms

kiss the bleeding half moons buried there

and tell me

i’m entirely beautiful.

 

maybe love isn’t

being perfect at it -

knowing and practicing the perfect formula for

desire and respect

but finding the balance of both.

 

maybe it’s

the process of trying

even when it breaks you

and takes every inch of me -

the knowing

that we’re both trying

and that we’ll keep trying

no matter what because

deep down

we’re both still learning.

 

maybe it isn’t about

forgetting the stupid things you’ve done or

the pain you’ve caused,

it’s about me

continuing to love you

in spite of the hurt

and never giving up

on moving forward.