I don't stare at myself in awe of my own beauty,

I stare in awe that I am called beautiful.

I look so deeply at myself, with every intention to find this beauty.

To answer the question I ever so constantly ask myself,

 “What makes me beautiful?"

I look at pictures, I stare so closely that all else blurs.

I address my features all in their single-most manifestation

but I have no idea what I am looking at or what even I am looking for.

I'm not denying my beauty. I'm just looking for it.

I do not stare at myself in conceit nor adoration of myself.

I stare to find something within myself,

whether that be external beauty or inner beauty.

However, I am so radically convinced that my inner beauty is present.

I have fallen in love with the possibility

of one's inner beauty shining through their looks.

But my eyes are so jaded,

prying at my outer expression searching for something more.

Searching for what they tell me they see in and out of me.

But I still don't know what I am searching for.

I do not stare at my curves in love with their sex appeal.

I stare as I wonder how I can make them look smaller.

But I do not trust my eyes.

They have fooled me so many times before.

They've taught me that I cannot believe what I see.

So how the hell can I see what is in front of me?

I stare in this mirror looking closer and closer,

trying to find the beauty inside all the flaw it reflects.

I wonder if what I see,

is really the girl broken and deranged inside the mirror.

Is that me? Have my eyes fooled me?

I have to stare and stare again,

every time I pass my reflection I glance quickly- and embarrassed

As others think I’m checking myself out,

but I couldn't possibly be doing anything more than checking …

Checking to make sure my eyes are not playing tricks,

if how I feel matches how I look.             

Just checking, trying at all possible attempts to convince myself

There is beauty to be seen,

I'm aware of the beauty- I am told it exists.

But I have never wished for anything more,

than to be able to see all of it.

Every feature soft or harsh & Every curve, wide or narrow.

I stare in this mirror; looking for myself.

Unconvinced that this external view—Is truly all there is to see

This is the girl they see though...  I'm just not so sure it's me.