so no one would hear her scream


United States

they never saw the real me

the one i hid away in my closet

buried with the things i hid from society

tied her up and taped over her mouth so no one would hear her scream


i remember being happy

it's like a faraway dream

a distant memory that keeps slipping

just out of my reach


happiness became a foreign feeling

i remember the day it left me

it was the day that i was told i was unappealing

by a boy in the eighth grade


i became obsessed with the idea of enough

good, smart, pretty, skinny

i began to struggle, i was entirely too rough

happiness for my life turned to hate


i hated all my looks

i hated my personality

i hated how i wasn't smarter than the books

i hated every detail about my young self


it manifested into routines

cutting turned into not eating

and soon i wanted to stop breathing

all because of a boy


a boy who told me i wasn't pretty


a boy who felt it his right to touch me

without my permission


a boy that was the catalyst

for all the things that happened

the reason the joy of high school was missed

and why i became obsessed


obsessed with my body

and how it wasn't right

obsessed with everybody

and what they thought of me


so that's why i hid her

why i tied her up and taped over her mouth

it's getting harder and harder to remember

but i think i can still see her beautiful smile

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