My heart is heavy asking will I ever
be good enough for myself.
When I look at myself why do I peer through
my reflection like it’s nothing?
Like I am nothing.
Even when I say I am good enough and
I am worthy enough I can not believe it.
I can not see it.
When I look at those other girls why do I
feel mistreated and discarded? I plan
out the betrayal that will be done to me
even though it is nothing there.
I can not touch it. I can not see it.
Why am I too jealous?
Why do I look for my security in places
beyond my reach?
Why am I wise but not willing?
Will I still thrive?
Will I still rise?
Will I survive within my mind filled with
clutter and damage that expands upon my
I feel it in my chest.
I feel it in my arms.
I am like a flower that has bloomed many times but died twice as much because I fear
that my growth, my change, my self will
never reach what I expect to become.
I want to be beautiful but not in my own way.
Why can I not be like those girls that smile
all the time?
Why can I not be friendly?
Why can I not be pretty?
Not pretty as in looks but pretty as in on
the inside where I will some day
feel less threatened.