My heart is heavy asking will I ever 

be good enough for myself.

When I look at myself why do I peer through

my reflection like it’s nothing? 

Like I am nothing.

Even when I say I am good enough and 

I am worthy enough I can not believe it.

I can not see it.

 

When I look at those other girls why do I

feel mistreated and discarded? I plan 

out the betrayal that will be done to me

even though it is nothing there.

I can not touch it. I can not see it.

 

Why am I too jealous?

Why do I look for my security in places

beyond my reach?

Why am I wise but not willing? 

Will I still thrive? 

Will I still rise?

Will I survive within my mind filled with 

clutter and damage that expands upon my 

whole body.

I feel it in my chest.

I feel it in my arms.

I am like a flower that has bloomed many times but died twice as much because I fear

that my growth, my change, my self will 

never reach what I expect to become.

 

I want to be beautiful but not in my own way.

Why can I not be like those girls that smile

all the time?

Why can I not be friendly? 

Why can I not be pretty? 

Not pretty as in looks but pretty as in on 

the inside where I will some day

feel less threatened.