I hate you,

but

It's because I love you

 

Wake him up with a “hey sweetie”, “Hello darling”

Breakfast in bed for him today followed by

“I’m not hungry.”

 

I kiss him on the cheek as he passes,

Matched with my cheek

twitching out of habit

I expect the sting of his hand but

He is nice today, just a roll of the eyes

 

I know he loves me

Deep down

He really really does

At least my body anyways

 

Friends say he is rude, hostile, reserved

I want to light his world

I fuel the flames and he…

Gives me nothing in return

 

I know he loves me

Deep down

He really really does

At least my body anyways

 

Sweep the floors of the kitchen

Wipe the windows of the doors

Dust the shelves of the stand

 

Sweep the hair from my eyes

Wipe the tears from my face

Dust off my mind to remind myself I still have one

 

I want to make him happy so

I do as he says

And more

Sometimes without even asking

 

I know he loves me

Deep down

He really really does

But

does he love me enough to let me go?

 

He built up a wall around me before I even saw construction signs closing​

me in. sheltering me from the world. trapping me.

 

Or no no no

Maybe I trapped him…

Maybe he is protecting me...

everything is my fault.

I guess he doesn’t love me enough to let me go…

I hate him, but it's because I love him

I love him more than I love myself, I cannot fly free.

 

But no my friend this is not love

 

Love is when he is the reason I smile

Not the only reason but a big reason

Sharing all the reasons that I do smile

But with him

 

If your heart skips a beat

But out of fear

Then that my friend is not love

 

Your heart should flutter with excited tiny butterflies

Stomach doing flips as you check your hair in the rearview mirror of your car

Feet fumbling while fastly walking into your fancy date

 

That is love

 

A give and take

A Push and pull

A Balance of power

 

He makes you feel on top of the world

But if you are still at the bottom he helps you get there

 

If you identify more with the first part of this poem

then please

I beg of you.

Realize you are better than that and you deserve the world

 

I am telling you this because I love you