I have discovered the perfect plan. One that will keep thoughts and others at bay. I will learn their ways, their ideas, and emotions. I will be the perfect victim. I will learn to talk and say what is expected. I will adapt and react as they do to such a situation.Maybe one day I will feel the sadness that is expected from a loss. Maybe one day I will feel the joy from the so-called achievements I have been lead to. They held my hand as I observed the world around me.I have learned to accept the situation in which I have been presented. I have been told to smile for those around you. "Smile, sweetheart smile, so they know you are happy." Happy? I do not know the feeling. I know I must smile but I feel nothing.Does it make me an imposter?I have grown up and over the years I have experienced numerous things. I have learned that tears mean sadness. The louder a voice, the more confident you seem or is it anger that fuels the vocal chords. I have been molded into the perfect puppet. Mocking the world as it did I. Why must I pretend to feel, am I alone in this constant thought of pretense.I have been taught how I must react to certain things. Why would one walk around chest high and smiles wide when they lost the one they loved? Can anyone really walk around emotionless like I? Our reactions, to situations, seem to have been learned and accepted widely by others that we will not question the reality of our emotionless state.
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