This one’s for me

Listen well until I’m done

Make sure you reread, until the problem’s gone

You see, I don’t seem to understand

‘Cause up till now, never tried to take a stand

The time is now, not tomorrow, not later

It’s really now or might never be ever

And as I sit on my bed surfing the net

My life is stuck on a brink, something I don’t seem to get

Or maybe I’m ignoring the difficult unknown

Maybe I want “easy” to be my only zone

While looking for distractions is my way to make it last

I’m letting those bad habits cling to me fast

It would save me to remember what’s out there, what’s coming

So that I have some control of whom I’m becoming

My life is unwrapping as something without meaning

And little by little the truth turns more demeaning

Because yes, it feels good to root for the hero’s surpassing of trauma

And yes, it feels good to laugh and pretend over fictional drama

But that’s not me, not really. So not over there

I’m stuck in the real world. Who but I can root for my care?

I’m not in a movie. I’m here. Real life flesh and blood

I’m beginning to see how I’m so stuck in mud.

So what’s with this planning, procrastinating and waiting for a perk?

Putting all my chances on someone else’s dear hard work

Because my dreams aren’t mine if I’m not taking on the stress

Saying I’ll do this if they do that is not a worthy success

And what happens when they don’t pull through?

Isn’t my life the one that I threw?

What’s with not trying? Not taking my own step

What? Am I just relying, depending on their prep?

Because, hold on, what’s going on?

Haven’t I learned yet? Nothing has been done!

And, geez. What does that make me if I can’t provide for myself?

If I hold no pride for my one only self?

Because no one’s going to succeed for me. There is only ME

My will and my efforts toward independence are the only key

So for now, as I sit here waiting and not quite relenting

I’ve got to see, I’ve got to know. This has to stop, no more lamenting

Because the time is here

Wow. No longer just near

And regardless of my intentions, every step I take

Will surely bring me to whatever it is that I make

Screw me if it’s tomorrow, and I’m not asking of you

Because with the next challenge, there’s only one I should turn to

Let my actions forge a good path, not be my undoing

It’s now or never. Today, I’ll be renewing

This one’s on me.