Not Ready

I come to see you during lunch

My heart, in pain to much

You open the door and you see

Me, in all of my vulnerability

But you don't bat an eye, much like the other guy

You hug me,

But not out of love

Mainly cuz you don't see

How broken I could be

I come in and sit down

You just come around

And say, "Hey"

I just look down,

Did I make a mistake?

But still you don't see

How drained I can be

You think I'm just shy

And you decide to be that horrible guy

You push play on the tv

And I lay my head on your shoulder

You smile but not so kindly

I loved you, or so I thought

But that stopped

"I'm sorry, I'm not ready!" I say as you place your hands on me

You say "Haven't been ready in over a year"

I apologize yet again, feeling the pain of not letting you in

You just roll you eyes and draw me closer

And I think

He is a good guy

Then my mind crashes, the pain comes crashing down

And you say, "I can make the pain go away"

As you kiss me, lowering after each touch,

I whimper

But can't say much

You drop your shorts, and pull me close

"Please. Dont"

You look at me sadly

Guilt tripping me too easily

I close my eyes as you pull down my jeans

 I whimper yet aagain

Tears in my eyes, dying to be free 

Yet you don't see or hear me

Too lost in the moment

I scream inside as you shove yourself onto me, and in me

I cry out but you don't hear,

I bang my hands against the wall to get you to stop

I close my legs,and still you dont stop

But your too lost, fianlly happy to get what you want

From a girl who thought she loved you lots.

And even though she was already broken, 

You broke her even more

Yet gulted her into thinking it was fun

When all she wanted was some love

I told you I wasn't ready

But you guilted me into it

Even though it was wrong

That's the thing about me

I feel guilt to easily

Yet you don't care

You used me

And abused me

Mostly Mentally and Emotionally

I fell for those gorgeous blue eyes

And charming smile

Even though the people I truly loved

Told me not too.

Here I am, knowing forever more

That my first time

Was with a guy who didn't know what Not Ready meant.

Because of the abuse you put me through,

I will never trust someone whole heartedly

Cuz doing so, gets you forcefully screwed in the end...


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