If I had the strength to make it through another day,

Maybe I would.

But today I'm too weak to even cry.

Trust me, I've tried.

If I had the hope that life might improve,

Maybe I'd pray.

But there's nothing left but misery and dismay.

Nothing left but a heart rotten and decayed.

Nothing left but a soul eager to dig it's own grave.

If I had purpose, or reason within,

Maybe I'd love life.

But now the only thing that feels good is sin.

Well that, and the slice of the knife.

I've always wanted to fly with the birds,

Maybe tomorrow I will.

Since she will never again trust my words,

What's left for me but the urge to kill?

It's been so fucking long since the tears were this close,

Despite every day that I feel the pain.

As the sickness within grows,

I reach for my crutch, my cane.

It breaks underneath my weight;

So I ask for help, but now I'm too late.

Because now I'm too far gone,

Used as nothing but the devil's pawn.

When I close my eyes I see myself hanging from a rope;

Funny, there's a smile on my face.

That smile gives me hope,

That death will be my release.

God, I've had enough,

And I hate you for letting me live.

I walked away from my one true love,

I was just too broken and had nothing left to give.

Every time the needle peirced my vein,

I finally felt at peace,

But now that I've lost the game,

Now that I embody my shame,

Now that I am my pain,

The drugs are simply a tease;

I know now that I'll never again find relief.

 

Jarred Shah

8/12/2020

8:00pm