My name is curiosity

Hope is my cousin, and fear is my mother

Curiosity tells me to look out into my future 

And I see a dark ocean surrounded by a fog

My hope believes the fog is but a cape covering the light

Am I only delusional with my hope,

To assume things are beautiful past the dark fog I see?

My fear pushes around hope like a child with a stick

Pocking and picking at her naive innocence

Time has passed

Now when I look out into the dark ocean of my future I can see a faint light behind the fog

But still, what is this light?

An angel with a golden aura?

Or a killer with the flare of his gun?

When I look out into the future I am acquainted with hope and fear.

But the beauty of mystery keeps me looking forward

Am I ready for the mystery and beauty of an ocean?

As much as I am excited, I am scared

Being attracted to what I’m scared of, and even terrified of 

And I am petrified of the unknown.

At night when I try to turn out the lights my curiosity seeps in

Will my night light kill the fear or feed my PTSD?

To feed fear is to turn on the light

And like a beast it will grow

A savage to gnaw on your soul

But the darkness itself is nothing but a color

But my curiosity and imagination like to whisper in my ear

Summoning fear

The fear stands up on his two twiggy legs, 

Walking and clawing and staring inside the dark inches away from my face

But once the lights come on, my curiosity fades

And I think, "what a shame"

Why is it that I am so uncontrollably in love with what I cannot understand

And never will understand?

Because my curiosity tells me that though I am scared of the unknown

Petrified of it...

There might be something in the unknown.

Something that could make me feel elevated in wisdom and understanding

As high as my adrenaline elevates when I get scared

Because on the opposite end of fear lies freedom

And If I had the ability to take a chance with the unknown,

I might access the opposite end of fear once I have walked through it.

And once the fear of the unknown has vanished all that lies is the beauty and wisdom

Just as when the water fades all that remains are fish for the picking

Once I let myself drown for just a short moment in time,

I might harvest my very own fish of wisdom.