My Mask

Mon, 11/17/2014 - 19:07 -- acopp

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These people. These conceited, overbearing, ignorant people....my so called friends. I have spent over a year now with these people. I have shared beds with them. I've shared secrets. I have kissed some, I have hugged some. I have hugged them when they have cried. I have sang with them. I have wept with them. I have been there by their side and all I have ever asked is that they do the same for me.

Unanswered questions. Unanswered calls, texts, snaps. Ignored day by day. Seen as an ally, but never thought of as a friend. A friend....a friend the simple word rolls off your tongue. It was a word that used to mean something...it was a word that had potential to grow into more. It was a word that could cause death, cause life. A word that was meaningful that could move mountains and nations. A friend is what I thought I was and what I thought they were. I was wrong.

Wrong, a word used to describe defeat. Defeated by the right answer to the unanswered questions to these so called friends. Wrong, this is a word that we all choke on. It is the word that is used to start arguments and leave them hanging off the edge of a cliff. A cliff that drops into an abyss. Wrong is the word I would use to describe these conceited, overbearing, ignorant people. The people that drop people like me into this deep abyss. Where the only way for me to climb out is to rid my mind of the quagmire. They have forced me to surrender this war.

This war. The war that would tear apart movements. That would defeat nations. This war that had led the nation into civil wars. This a war that has led people to suicide, depression. A war that could end me. A war that could cause me to take an approach that could cost me more than you will ever know.

The sad part? I would die for these so called friends. I would take all their pain. I would take all their stress. I would live and die for these people who shun me. The people who ridicule me behind my back, the people who do whatever is in their power to make me squirm. Squirm like a new puppy in the arms of a stranger. They are taunting me...they know I cover up my dark mind with this soft push over personality. They may not know who I am. They may not know the thoughts I have. They may not know I know all their secrets. With one word, sentence, paragraph, I could destroy friendships, lives, even love. I am destruction. They would cower in my path. They would bow at my feet.

I'm too kind. I care too much. I care for these creatures. I call them creatures now. I call them creatures, because that's who they are. Who they are the masks they hide behind. The same mask I make for myself we all wear them. The masks that make us look kind, caring, and loving. The mask that we all wear labeled friends. The masks we would never trade for our real faces, because our real faces bring loneliness. So we cover our identity and call each other friend.

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