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mirror reflection
it’s
how you take my heart wringing
it out twisting and rearranging
and i start to search
for a prince in you all over again
how each year you switch
from frog to prince and each
time i reach for you you turn
amphibian all over again
how the thicket of thorns
grows thicker at my core
as i struggle to find
my way from your grasp all over again
how that thicket is confined
by my very mind as i dream
of someone saving me for good
from loving you all over again
and how you’re either so charming so good
or so wicked and if i could
only stop imagining you
in my image all over again
how i would find
you are not mine
you are merely a boy
and not a mirror
and not gay or on a wall
as i so often
make you say
all over again
it’s clearer
how the web i weave
is my own to leave
just as it was my own right
to make each year all over again
and it’s clearer
how the poisoned fruit
was mine to bite
i clasped my lie too tight
which is exactly why no one tried
stop me from doing it all over again
it’s clearer
how you never tried
to grasp me and i lied to myself
about you tearing up
my heart i cried all over again
i lied all over again
it’s clearer
how going to sleep
won’t magically keep our friendship alive
or make you kiss me bring me back to life again
nor will waking in my dream world and weeping
and nor will dreaming in my waking
world of what could have been
making fantasies and fairy tales of what we were
ruining what i knew for sure was real again
how i’m really not power
less and moreover this tower
is really not so tall even though
next to you i feel so small all over again
although you were the little one
how you were strong
but it was wrong for me
to imagine you stronger
and to imagine you for as long
as i did as someone you weren’t
with both the good and the bad
i saw in you as a reflection of me
when you weren’t the fairest of all
like i wanted you wanted myself to be
nor were you hiding in your clothing
and nor were you the huntsman
and nor was it my business loathing you
and at the same time trying
to save you from your supposedly froggy life
nor did good intentions and real emotions
excuse me from all the commotion i caused
crying wolf again and all over again when you weren’t
and the carriage turns pumpkin
and the clock strikes twelve
and the princess pricks her pretty finger
and i dive deeper to delve into my soul
and the ground i walk is knives
and i could kill you but that would kill me
and the mermaids dissolve to seafoam
and the huntsman brings back fake organs
and the glorious fish is eaten
and i can’t go to the ball
and the house falls in
and i drink the jar of blood
and the woman gives her firstborn son
and the pea is still so big
and the duckling is still so ugly
and the hay is still so much hay
and i’m so cold but i can’t burn the matches
and the slippers have fallen off
and of course she never thought about her hair
and the mirror mirror is a mere mirror
and since i'll never be your prince
i'll never be anyone's king
to freeze dead is a joyful thing
and the most joyful thing
and the most alarming
is that i don’t have to keep waiting
for you prince charming
not because i know you’re coming
but because i know you’re never coming
and you’re not coming to harm me
or warm me
to deform and form and reform me again
you’re not going to alarm me
nor charm me or disarm me
and sweep me off to the happily ever after end
because you just want to have keep a friend
and like back when
we can walk and talk
we can be
we can be who
we used to then
then
we can do it all over again
the prince charming i knew
might just as well be
in the belly of the whale
all the stuff of fantasy
and the stuff of fairy tales
which are never true