I hide behind transparency

A clear mask distorts my features

Until they appear truth,

Until they appear the only reality ever known

Irrefutable and breathtaking

As I take in breath, each one becomes more of a strain

I'm gasping in terror that someone will see through my see-through facade

People tell me I look smart

Like I've got it all together

But in reality, it'd only take the weight of a feather

Some wind, a change in weather to break me,

To send me spiraling towards my own oblivion

I go there often, to the place of cloudiness

My mask pulls me back to the surface before I suffocate 

But shame still heavies my heart

If I was asked to go back to the start

I wouldn't be able to pin point when exactly I began to hide

But I think I can say why- I'm scared

I don't know if I want to meet the future

There's all these expectations,

Most of them I think I've forced on myself,

And all of them are drowning me

I'm hitting the rocks at the bottom of this ocean of mediocrity

I'm not special 

I've honestly always been that student

The one who answers all the questions right

Had the highest grade in class

And the need for constant validation

But as I've matured I've realized that doesn't necessarily set me apart

Just because I'm smart

Doesn't mean I'll meet the level of success I wish to

Or that I can compete with others

See, I'm neither overally privileged

Or have some grand story of perseverance

I am mild

Merely lackluster

But my mask alters that

It makes me appear like some grand kick ass being

That has confidence in all she does

That has enough time

That doesn't waste time

That doesn't lie awake in fear at night 

That she'll fade into nothingness

My mask allows me to be the person everyone expects me to be

But under it I'm cracking

And I just can't let anyone see that

Maybe one day I'll pull off my mask

But for now fear holds it tightly to my face