Give me my soda, I won't ask you twice

I need it right now, the essence of my life

I'll count to three: one, two, okay now give it to me

Do you see me laughing? This isn't a joke

I'm addicted to the caffeine, I'm addicted to Coke

Don't tell me it's bad for me, don't tell me it's no good

If I could live off soda, trust me I would

I'm growing weaker by the second, I may as well lay down and die

Do you really want my death on your hands? If it happens, you're the reason why

Remember that time I gave you part of my candy bar? Oh wait, that wasn't you?

Well I'm sure you owe me in some sort of way, I swear it with my right hand on Mountain Dew

I'll fight for my beloved, just name your weapon of choice

Or let me get just a sip, and you can test drive my Rolls Royce

Cut me a break, what did I ever do to you?

Oh...really? That many things? Well I bet you can't name 22!

I'll cut down your lawn or that thing you call a hair-line!

Did I mention I paid for that soda with money that was mine?

I'll call down the cops, they'll bring down the hammer

Hope you enjoy your life spent in the slammer

I read somewhere on the internet that caffeine is good for you

I also read on the internet that everything on the internet is true!

Hey look over there! It's Beyonce and Kanye and that other guy you like!

Oh man! You better turn around, I think they're stealing your bike!

Well I clearly can't fool you, so I'll just wait you out 

I'll get my soda back, in that I have no doubt

What did you say this was? An intervention of some kind?

It's been a whole 43 seconds, I might just lose my mind