The typical words of pain, hurt and shame
are the emotions that are commonly phrased
by every teenager's thoughts who are all the same.
These feelings, thoughts that are jumbled up in my brain
have wished a better way to express the torment that I've gained.
I can't speak or my words would cause annoyance or distress
as I'd just be classified as a teenager, which I should've guessed.
My lips remain shut, no thought can be my own
I'd just be labeled as that girl who is known to moan.
I wish I knew bigger words to maybe reach someone's attention
To take me seriously, as I have mentioned.
However, through words people choose to ignore me.
Maybe through paper, someone will hear my plea.
It's almost hard to start from the beginning.
So many thoughst fly through my mind,
like my single mother who struggles with three children,
and a father who finds it hard to be kind,
and also having sleepless nights, always hearing a siren,
And what about my other experiences that are hard to define?
How do I approach my guilt
for the one friend who's life has gone and wilt?
His existance is gone, and I could have saved him
but just like that, his life was lost in a whim.
Suicide could have been avoided
if I knew the signs and pointed.
However, all I do now is think.
His memories haunt me.
Maybe I could possibly use a shrink.
Let's not forget about the man my mother used to date.
A man, taller than a door, barely being able to stand on his own weight.
He felt the need to be in charge of everything
practically making us bow, as if he was our king.
He wasn't afraid to be violent to make his point across,
he almost hurt me for saying he wasn't my boss.
Mother left him when she gathered the money to do so
That man didn't make it easy, he felt the need to put on a show.
We all didn't look back.
We barely made it without earning a smack.
I could speak of another experience.
When mother ran in to my room, one day.
Looking at her teary eyed appearance
snot running down, face red, I tried to keep her at bay.
Stress overwhelmed her, taking over like the plague
She couldn't be specific at what bothered her and was very vague.
But let's not forget about what else goes on behind those closed doors.
Behind that closet is a beast on all fours.
This ferocious animal holds all my negative emotion.
Look at it in the eye and it will set in motion.
Without a second more, you'd see my life through its eyes.
How long would it take for you to paralyze?