I hate what I see 

When I look at you.

When I look at me.

That reflection staring back at me

Makes me want to

Puke my soul out 

And scream my heart out.

 

“You disgust me.”

Oh how I wish I could get this 

Voice out of my head

Just get out of my head !

Please get out of my head ,

Just leave me alone.

 

When I see you,

You make me realize how truly 

Invisible 

I am.

I know, I know, I know.

I’m not much to look at .

Quite appalling , if you ask me.

I’m deformed, monstrous, beastly.

Bony, gaunt, something like a rail.

And don’t get me started on my...

Everything.

 

“Just love yourself.”

“You aren’t ugly.”

“Why don’t you like yourself?”

Why why why

Isn’t that the dollar question?

Not worth much 

Neither am I,

So, what does that matter?

 

What am I kidding?

I hate your positivity.

Your optimism.

Your hope.

Keep that disgusting 

Bullshit

Away from me , I don’t want it.

I don’t need it.

I’m allergic.

Allergic to all of the

Sunshine that overfloweths from 

Your disgustingly perfect little mouth.

 

Oh how seeing you never fails to put me in a bad mood.

Your voice is enough to make me want 

To take 12 shots to the head 

Alcohol or bullets ,

Go ahead and choose for me.

Your voice is enough to make me

Want to take pencils 

And stab them in my ears.

Hopefully the ringing will drown out your 

Excessive chattering.

Or maybe I should just rewind time.

Go back to 6 years ago.

When all I knew was silence and I could barely even remember your voice .

Back to when I first became 

Mute.

Take me back to when 

You first became dead to me.

A mother dying before she actually got a chance to be a 

“Mother”

Can you say 

Ironic ?

 

Oh how does it feel, I wonder.

To have a parent who actually cares about your wellbeing 

Instead of what you can give them.

Taught me how to care about others

But you never cared ab me 

So wouldn’t that mean you were teachin somethin you really didn’t know?

Teachin a lesson without a lesson plan or a degree .

How about you sit back and I’ll teach you Parenting101 : 

How to be a parent 

Since it seems I raised you more than you raised me 

And it not just me

Who thinks that .

Always falsely thinking that people are out to get you ,

Never noticed that I was trying to help you.

That hand you took everything from ,

Only to spit on it and slice it with your vicious words

Was my hand.

Treated me any type of way and I let you.

 

You were supposed to be my happily ever after 

In this world of demons and painful beginnings.

Yet you turned out to be another coward who hides behind a screen.

“It’s over.”

One sentence that ain’t even a sentence , but it’s enough to hurt .

Oh so original .

Almost as original as your personality.

Should’ve known deception was what you were good at as soon as I met you.

Had me Pausin my life and waitin for you to return ,

Only for you to return w a gigantic bag of nothin.

Nothin but one sentence that said enough

To make a heart unravel like it was woven w yarn.

To make someone laugh hysterically and question their sanity.

To make me question my worth.

I shouldn’t have to question my worth.

 

We live in a world where we rip each other to pieces 

And wait behind , hiding in a bush,

Just to watch and see if those pieces can ever be put back together.

Only to discover that one piece is missing and one just wont fit into the puzzle.

You have my piece 

And I have yours .

 

Sincerely,

Mute.