The Koi

The legend of the koi fish goes that if the koi fish swims up the waterfall

 it one day it will become a dragon.


 Since I was little,

I promised myself that I would too swim past the current of hardship and fear for the future

and reach the peak of triumph.

 But the day we worry about the future,

 is the day the essence of childhood is left behind.

The day where the world seems a little less enchanted,

because fairies and unicorns don’t exist,

super heroes don’t save my day,

 and giants are just as big as the lies

 movie studios have been spoon feeding me

 since I was this tall.

The day when flowers don’t hold conversations for hours,

animals can’t sing in musical numbers,

and the monsters lurking behind the depth of my closet and the trenches beneath my bed

 have manifested themselves into test dates and a bad hair day.


Those were the days when plastic dolls and stuffed bears had adventures and stories to share,

but have fallen silent,

because I have chosen to forget them.

And now they sit in the corners catching dust,

ignoring me in my time of need.

Where insanity has reached its boiling point,

an alarm goes off in my head,

and the waterfall of my tears crashes against my near broken soul,

tears that had been shed when the world was too much of a bleak cruel place.

And as I search for some bit of land to rest on and hide from reality,

the eyes of judgment stare down from the heavens,

questioning my existence,

prying me open,

exposing my secrets,

my guilt,

my shame,

my denial,

my nightmares,

because I can no longer deny my fear

of the day when a cadaver in a black cloak

reaches his hand out for mine.


And when I thought that the worst was finally over,

I sink down into a black abyss

where the monsters had escaped to,

waiting for my arrival,

knowing that I have met with a terrible fate,

as they grip me in their curled claws,

smiling a twisted smile,

revealing their canines,

revealing myself for who I am,

a person who fears death,

and therefore fears life.


But I am the Koi,

and I will continue swimming past stormy winds and raging waters,

and finally become the dragon.

Because in this darkness, I see light.




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