i turned twenty last weekend and i can already feel my heart rotting

Ally Sheedy was right

that is not to say that i am an adult but still

i was bundled up in my heavy winter blankets

because you know how low my blood pressure is

and i heard the silence of the apartment ringing in my ear

and i knew i was going to hear this for the rest of my life

i dont care that Lena got a new boyfriend

i dont care that Isaac almost lost his fat hamster and found it the next day behind his couch

i dont care about what Freddie thinks about the new cafe on Bleecker and that i should go check it out

and i can feel my heart growing fungus and it smells wretched

and its no surprise im going to die alone because who would want to be with me

i still care for you but i dont tell you that enough

i have feelings and i love things and i have this dream but i never talk about it

im too tired and people dont care because why should they; i dont care about them

you see you see how rotten this heart is

i wish i could go exchange it at some store

you see you see

that im scared too?