'glow-up grow up scholarship slam
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Did it start with my first homecoming dance, when I had my first kiss?
Or maybe it started when I had my first heartbreak.
He couldn't stop crying
Prying into his soul, that was now bare.
It felt like he was dying.
His love could only stare.
She could hear the noises of the birds
I walk along a beaten path
at least, one that someone else has walked before.
I don’t know it,
I had always been the extrovert
The center stage and pose for the camera little darling that would make parents wonder how they were raised
I loved it
I.
I am from paperbacks
Poolmate liquid chlorine
And Gauloises cigarettes.
I am from abraded hardwood floors,
Scraping feet lent a soundless echo,
Your mind is like a garden
You can grow flowers or you can choose to grow weeds
She amazed herself at how far she had grown
From the soil, she tended and not always with ease
What’s worse than having a life you don’t want to live?
How about losing one you didn’t have to?
Death can be more familiar than life where I’m from
Been to more funerals than graduations
Laugh
Scorn
Ridicule
But my freedom you will never take
Drag me to my feet by broken arms
Oh, the stages of life
Have been so fun
Even though many times consist of some strife,
But deep on the inside I shine bright like the sun
When I was young,
And life had barely begun
Friends come and go.
Best friends since kindergarten.
Torn apart in the ninth grade.
She ghosted me
Never spoke to me
No communication anymore
Growing up.
Something we can't wait to do
But when we are grown
It's something we wish would just slow down
Growing up.
When you learn that after every storm there isn't a rainbow
Mama, I think I'm grown now
Excuse me?
Yes
You have gifted me with all the knowledge I need to flourish in this world
To be exceptional
You have taught me to embrace the changes the world has to offer
The weight of your infinity is just too much to bare
But tell me why when I see you I can’t help but stare
Comfort, peace, and freedom all shine onto me
If only life could be like this permanently
Dear small me,
It's me Maeva from the future
Please be patient with yourself
Don't rush things with others
Here in America you will learn much more
And grow into a beautiful personality
One thing my body told while I was growing up,
If the food's hitting on anything, the flavors WILL show up
As a kid, I ate anything, my palette made other kids want to throw up
To the DMV I drove, full of bliss
Aware of the independence I would soon gain
I was sure my childhood was one I would no longer miss
For I would become a lone lion with a long mane
Are you who you want to be right now?
Not the most perfect you ever but right now.
Are you, right now, the you that you want to be right now?
The you that you are right now
You wake at dawn.
You dress; every piece by layer.
You move accordingly to what you only know.
20 years, no stop.
You leave saying bye.
You wake at dawn.
You dress; every piece by layer.
You move accordingly to what you only know.
20 years, no stop.
You leave saying bye.
The Old Me
Hollowed and tied back to the bumble tree
Or maybe pushed off and truely set free
Waiting, Waiting, Exstaticly -for others to valide me
Shaking,berated,I'm breaking inside
I'M TRAPED HERE
Being the oldest of three gave me the unspoken job
To be their guardian angel and hold them when they sob
Being the oldest of three gave me the unspoken job
To be their guardian angel and hold them when they sob
Hopeless dreams filed a dreary headEvery morning greeted dreadleaving one meek and lowlydarkness growing ever slowlypeace and peril seem to sail closer everyday a sorry suckis hardly a husk of a lesser state all the while still persistent hoping f
It existed in imagination as-
It was about naming what existed
Biblical kind of creation through naming
first the histronics of an excorcism
then, all falsehoods exiled, a joyous acceptance
I never noticed how much of a princess I used to beI owed zero money, had everything handed to meLittle did I know my silver platter had education in itIt wasn't until much later that I realized how much that piece fit The classes I had to take t
I feel like I have to give everyone an out whenever I ask for help
I lost myself in him
I forgot who I was and what makes ME happy
"The world is larger
than the life i've ever known."
said the small yellow bird
To the tall oak tree.
the tree replied "it's only
as big as you see."
Always one to fall in line,
I learned early to obey.
Silence and respect protect
Against the everyday.
Quiet child
With vibrant mind
That’s what I was
Either taunted or left to be
That was my destiny
I grew up surrounded by people
Being a kid
Living the dream, right?
No bills, no responsibilities
School and play and sleep, school and play and sleep
Maybe for the priveleged few
In this world, not everyone is so lucky.
I am the youngest of 5 girls,
so life seemed to be a breeze
everyone would care for me and pay attention to my NEEDS.
Being a kid is fun, it’s a blast
too bad it doesn’t last
once your in high school and college then you’ll learn
you wish you were back your childhood, yes you’ll yearn
One must make this life last
i listen to ghostin by ariana and cry
i feel her pain when she confesses
“he just comes to visit me when i’m dreaming every now and then”
i cry because he is the one i’ve lost
When I was a kid
I used to think Caspar the Ghost
lived in the vents of my room.
I would tie scarves to my ceiling fan
and pretend I was Tarzan.
She was fearful of the crepuscule,
The shadows that danced through it.
Its wicked chased her all around;
At club, home, and school.
Standing alone,
In a universe full of clones,
It was not until I joined gymnastics,
That I took a leap entirely on my own.
Standing alone I learned grace,
Not how to chase,
We start out small, but with big dreams
That fill up all the space in a room
That push the blood through our veins like streams
We begin to grow like stalagmites
Inching up slowly towards the moon
I grew up,
learning that there was more to life,
than sitting down watching sonic on saturday nights.
I grew up,
at the age of 10,
when father thought he should play pretend,
We’re just enigmas
The stigmas
I don’t understand it
The world, how will I manage
A new generation full of ideas reprimanded
Millennial
When I understood why people that looked like me were chanting ‘Black Lives Matter’
I knew I was no longer a child
The way my heart would drop when a new hashtag was attached to a new black body
Hours in the car seemed too far,
my father's patience for work a thought bizarre,
but now I know where my ambitions are,
and to meet them I would take that trip to the stars.
It’s funny how life can change in a blink of an eye
One second you were there the next you were gone
The Odyssey.
I.
Remember when we first walked the halls as freshmen
Calm and cool and
Collected?
I don’t have a problem, I’m just having fun
Don’t you remember what it’s like to be young?
Don’t worry about me, I’m having a good time
It’s one little rail, it’s just one glass of wine
Fish out of water
Trying to keep my head up but the water is getting taller
Just keep swimming
So I float like a boat
And ill make it to the top
It doesnt matter how many tears drop.
Fish out of water
Trying to keep my head up but the water is getting taller
Just keep swimming
So I float like a boat
And ill make it to the top
It doesnt matter how many tears drop.
For most of my life,
I never truly grew up.
My home was always filled with strife,
feeling like a screwup.
I devoted my life to helping others,
at the expense of myself.
You are done, you are through,
And it is time that you move on.
These thirteen years flew,
And it feels that everyone is gone.
Friends come, friends go,
And people change.
From elementary to high school,
silence dried my words.
No longer could I play games
or watch anime the same way,
when I had no choice but to be
committed to six classes per year.
To be 18 and clueless goes hand and hand with growing up.
To be 18 and clueless is to sometimes be embarrassed when someone asks what your major is, and you don’t have a clear-cut answer.
When do you grow up and what’s its result?
Better question, what decides that you’re an adult?
Some people say paying taxes, getting your license, finishing school…
…drink at the bar, be in the jury, or finally move.
Oblivious to things that I may
have never seen
Clueless to those that didn't
speak for multiple reasons
Now as I approach this
New age and new season
Soft sunlight pours over campus
Streams of students pouring out of buildings
Different
Everything feels different
This is the place I worked so hard for
So fast
Still a student
Flowers bloom, and people grow.
What was once new, will become old.
When does a child know?
That they have outgrown their youth.
A glow up formally know to society as,
Straight teeth.
Thigh gap.
Lack of back fat.
New hair.
New style.
No brains.
Got game.
Ran three miles.
Look at these smiles.
To grow is to adapt,
To grow is to learn.
To grow is to acknowledge self short comings,
and forgive yourself for mistakes.
I look back at myself,
insecure, bitter, unaccepting,
and I must remember;
It started slow,muddy leaves andcracked cement.Your jet black hair, and citrus scent. Slowly I wished,The crimson red in your cheeks.Was caused miraculously by none other than me. Slowly,
Left wing controlling the height,
right wing regulating the speed,
born left and right together in flight,
a bonny blue bird they lead.
I am a seed sprouting in both infused unfertilized and fertilized soil
No one can really fathom the highest potential that I could achieve
Only after I, the seed, has proved to weather the storms and turmoil
Twenty-one years old
throwing my life away.
Roaming the streets with friends:
Running, but staying in place.
Where do I go from here?
They smell nothing but fear,
and because of that,
I was invited to a movie night out with my friends
It was Friday, it would do none of us harm.
This was our time to have fun and forget
I received great fortune the month of May
As my high school career came to a close
I had just celebrated my birthday
My life was full of gumdrops and rainbows
And as the days grew short and the nights long
I used to play by the creek
play and play, every single day.
My brother and I would run and leap.
Run and leap the summer away.
But one summer, I no longer wanted to play.
I'd stay inside, every single day.
After eighteen years of being alive,
I finally realized it is my time to thrive.
Sure, I knew I was growing up,
but I feel as though I've just woken up.
Early morning dew is fresh on the grass
Walking from my former self
and becoming one with the new
Ive had to return to the time I felt I knew all things
to my springtime of dreams
to the simplicity of knowing
Walking from my former self
and becoming one with the new
Ive had to return to the time I felt I knew all things
to my springtime of dreams
to the simplicity of knowing
In my family, I have two parents
overprotected and traditionalist.
I have two older siblings,
an independent and smart big brother
and a rebel and brave middle sister.
And then it is me,
I’ve been feeling like writing about you for awhile now
When it comes to talking about it, I’m not sure how to go about it
But I just want you to know, it’s ok if it hurts and you let it show
When this flower bloomed I was 14 years old
My breasts began to bud and my heart grew cold
Full lips came too and my tongue grew slicker
Curves came to the hips and my patience grew thinner
Right out of the Gate I was climbin' Fences
Takin' stances and chances and makin' advances
Fell off the fence, now I'm back on my feet
I'm ready to get climbin' again
You’re not a little girl anymore.
Is a sentence I’ve been hearing for as long as I can remember
Though I am physically grown
My skin is still soft,
The second time my eyes opened
I was broke with bills to pay
I was scorched with others pain
I was lacking and lost my way
The second time my eyes opened
My walls of insecurity
As a child filled with love and laughter
Not knowing the world could be cold and bitter
A seed that has been planted and reborn again, blooming into a rose that grew between concrete
I used to think I’ve felt the depth of depression,
But I never actually have
Until now.
Its an overwhelming sadness,
Almost painful.
Actually,
It is entirely painful.
So lonely,
Consuming
Young and unaware
no feelings of despair
The world is so simple
face full of pimples
Not a care in the world
life was so simple
When I only had to worry about a pimple
Growing Up,
I would crawl on the floor
And wriggle and cry.
Taking care of me was a chore.
“It was easy,” they would lie.
Growing Up,
I would run around
The thing about growing up
is that it’s just a myth.
A legend created to allow kids to dream
that they can climb their own monolith.
We never really “grow up”.
We always have the little kid from yesterday still there in our heads.
He’s just learning different stories.
The mockingbird sits in the dark,
While fearing the fury that comes from the falcon.
She awaits fro the falcon to pounce and prey,
On her meek body and her innocence.
The mockingbird flies to school,
I thought I loved hearing the words "I love you."
Three syllables, three words,
Slipping off your tongue too easily
Who knew they could be so absurd.
Late night phone calls and good morning texts
She's going far
and i don't mean a
"two hour drive to a different city" far
i mean a
"seven hour flight across the country" far
but She chose this on her own
She's going far
and i don't mean a
"two hour drive to a different city" far
i mean a
"seven hour flight across the country" far
but She chose this on her own
Pieces of love
Like Water
Grounded
then
Up
Roots
To soak
Up
More love
Pulling leaf over leaf
Up
To small caterpillar kisses
Nothing moves as fast as time,
As just yesterday I was a little kid.
6th grade I was quiet as a mime;
Now made it through 12th without a lid.
Personalities can go through a certain range,
playing outside with my neighbors all day
laughing my lungs away
My shoes would always come untied
but I couldn’t get the bunny ears just right
Always thinking I was ready to be grow up
In the beginning, things are simple.
Food, hold, change, sleep.
Development of the young mind growing curious,
an incubus of knowledge begging growth.
In the beginning, things are simple.
Food, hold, change, sleep.
Development of the young mind growing curious,
an incubus of knowledge begging growth.
An ever impeding question
Ringing through my heart
And into my mind
Waiting for my ignorance to depart
And the truth to emerge
Am ever impeding question
That the answer will bring--
Thirteen years old
Wind blowing through long blonde hair
Cascading rivers down my back
I’m 13 years old, it’s 6 in the morning and the sun’s starting to shine through the window,
My mother comes in and rubs my back to wake me up,
I roll over “I’m up, I’m up,”
She leaves the room.
What they don't tell you about growing up is that you sometimes have to do things alone.
Once you turn 18, it goes from "honey, how can I help?" to "Well, figure it out you're grown.".
There are people that make it
And those who don’t.
Some are given wealth out of their mind
And others learn to grind.
He kissed me
He took something
A first of many
Something I followed with a smile
To mask my fear
I didn’t feel any different
But I knew
Something was different
In my tiny bubble. It has a shape.
i hated who i hated. i didn't get hate.
The outside, that i couldn't feel.
Was right there, and very real.
i talked to them, and, to my surprise?
Hello mirror!
I can't see me...
But I see you!
You've seen this room for Years, haven't you?
I can't reach you, if I try I might fall
Naive
Trusting
Ignorant
Pretending that the voice attacking me
Was only the soft utters of a friend
The last summer is what I would call it
Only because it cursed me with the thought of change
And that scares me too death
Kinda like being at a crossroad and not knowing where to go
I’m in a pickle
and I don’t know what to do.
I popped it, probably
Without even realizing I was covered in thorns
in a bubble.
Night and day they repeated this process
The rocky eggs died in gold-dust
And the chemical’s specific gravity traveled
Not six or seven times, but 360
i turned twenty last weekend and i can already feel my heart rotting
Ally Sheedy was right
that is not to say that i am an adult but still
because im scared too
i remember you told me when we were at K'OOK last Tuesday night
and i wanted to say
me too
I bury myself in multiple layers of clothing.
White jacket over white raincoat over white t-shirt over white lifevest.
The crowd can’t see me when I’m snuggled in all this fabric.
the thick, hot air hit my skin as i stepped outside
as i walked to my dads car, the serence silence was interrupted by whistles and hollers
i look up to see a car driving away filled with men much older than me
Ice cream my favorite snack
Cookie dough chocolate chip in particular
Ben and jerry's
My favorite ice cream place
I remember the time five of my friends
and I used a monitor as a karaoke machine
and blasted high school musical songs so loud
that we could be heard from the streets below.
We had colorful strobe lights going from
Out the womb, fresh air, I finally feel the breeze.
Couple years later, I’m walkin, wobbly in the knees.
Now I’m finally in pre-school, tryna figure what I wanted to be.
from proud bellows
to mere whispers that are all too mellow, a withered soul looks upon those with a sense of longingto escape its comatose.
girls know growing up as a girl can be gruesome.
expected to mature, expected to look a certain way, act a certain way,
talk a certain way, sit a certain way, walk a certain way
Little kids yearn to be older:
To become independent and make adult decisions.
"I can't wait to go to college and get married in London," said 6 year old me,
on my way to the park to have a play date
Little Miss Perfect curls into herself
She smashes her sandcastle to rubble once more
Again, again, again she’ll try.
See you later, see you later-
Where did the time go?
I've looked and I've looked-
But where did you go?
If I looked under the couch
Or even the stairs
Maybe then I could find the time there
when i am six there is a princess, a prince, and a villain.
one beautiful,
one brave,
and one bad.
good beats evil,
its difficult to pinpoint the catalyst
of change, tucked neatly between the graying pages
of my childhood and adolescence
an autumn of sorts- outside colors fade dull,
bare bones exposed to harsh elements like
I felt life decisions on my back.
I realized my mistakes were my own,
I could no longer depend on the people around me to keep me whole.
When I had to make my spirituality my own,
The memory was always fresh...it starts to fade a little now
The unsettled push and pull of the heart
Think of a million new days, suns, moons, and stars
It will pass
I was Happy-go-lucky
Running around and enjoying life
Nothing but good vibes
Completely carefree, worryfree
A pleasant childhood
Calc 1 was a math class I took
It led to long hours in a book
My first test was bad
The workload was mad
It all left me quite a bit shook
How we wish we could go back.Yearning for those easy days of pretend and fun.With the worst pain is a scrapped elbow.
My outlook was blurred
My life skewed
New environment
New schedule
New people
In the beginning, there was peace
There was friends, playfulness
There was religion, purpose
Mother’s Day Flowers:
An open letter from your mother:
An embryo encased within the sheath of a seed,
I have loved you since before you were born.
I used to get through quizzes really fast.
I never had to study it at all.
However, this phase, it would never last
Until the year of '13 in the fall.
Like usual, I quickly skimmed a book.
Dreams of wonder, riches, and happiness
To becoming the Ultimate Queen of my own fairyland
Or even the favorite of a girl rock band
I only wanted to have greatness
Passing passing every street
Cars almost like a fleet
Thinking back I sat
What did I lack
I was mature enough
But stuck in the now
Wasting time every day
Is this how I should stay?
Steinbeck had it right
parents are just as fallen
as the gods
Their flaws sharpened
taking them to crumble
and shatter
While their visage
can never sparkle the same
When I grew, I grew big
Puncturing the naiveness that made every choice
Constructed with a closed mind and idiocy
Shattering the carelessness that made room for no voice
When I grew, I grew big
Puncturing the naiveness that made every choice
Constructed with a closed mind and idiocy
Shattering the carelessness that made room for no voice
I picked up a book,
and you followd the same
I glanced at your movents,
as we both stared at the first page
We smiled and began reading,
matching each other's pace,
