There are all kinds of mustaches
With different character and purpose.
Some are grown as thin as eyelashes,
Others look like little squirrel corpses.
Whether they are long and feathered
Or small and grotesque,
I have always wondered whether
It would be rude to ask,
What’s with men with excessive facial hair?
Is it mean to tell them to shave?
I wonder if they have a fear of razors.
Or do they prefer to look like they live in a cave?
Was it grown to show a sense of pride?
Or perhaps it was for a charitable cause.
Or maybe it was the harsh weather outside,
That makes some men resemble Mr. Clause.
Possibly they’re trying to prove their masculinity?
Or compensate for something else they lack.
Or perchance it’s all hereditary,
And are hairy monsters with matching hair on their back.
Whether they are young or seasoned,
Clean-cut or trashed,
Each man has his reason,
For his own mustache.