I lay down

I lay down,
with tears running down my face.
I lay with tears on my face because I hold in the my thoughts.
I hide the words I want to say to save others.
To save the feelings of others. 
So while I lay, I whisper them.
Not the whisper you do when you try to tell your friend something,
while they are across the room.
the whisper you do when you're hoping no one hears,
but praying someone listens. 
So I whisper every thought that I need to get out of me.
From last year,
or last night,
I just whisper.
And Sob.
Oh, how I sob,
Oh, how I sob. 
I don't know if the tears are for sadness,
or if the tears are from pain, 
but they are there. 
And they keep coming.
I don't know if it helps,
or makes it worse.
This entire time I am still whispering,
at this point it's complete nonsense.
Money, school, family, college.
Stress, stress, stress, stress.
Money, school, family, college.
STRESS, STRESS, STRESS, and stress. 
I'm only seventeen.
I'm worrying about bills, grades, my family, and stupid college. 
I could drop out.
I wouldn't regret it. 
I KNOW I...wouldn't regret it.
At first,
maybe not till after the first year.
Not till I pictured the look of disappointment on my dad's face, 
not till I looked at the dirt that stained my face,
not till I remembered the dreams I gave up.
So for now,
I lay down.
With tears running down my face,
Hoping no one hears,
Praying someone listens.

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