Hope in the Silence
Hope is a magical word,
Happiness fluttering aghast in the wind
Blowing fears and uncertainty behind me
I see a world reborn
Relentless to strife
As if it has cut away my anxiety like a knife
I open my heart to the unknown
Freedom reaching through every bone in my body
I call out into the night
Letting go of my fight and accepting a moment of peace
Simple and sweet
Like the lips of a lover
Or the coo of a dove
The moon shining bright above my head
Keeps me alive
I look around at it all
This world so bright and new
Wondering how I could have ever had such hatred in my heart
I start to stand up from the ground
When I hear pound-ing on my bedroom door,
Where before my spirits soared,
I am now left confused and concerned
I thought they might’ve learned
To not make empty promises…
But my mom makes them daily
Not even noticing
“We will always love you”
She says and smiles as I walk out the door then she continues with more:
“We love you so so much, unconditionally”
I smile as I head down the street
Thinking of the long road ahead of me,
My head spasming the words back at me flashing in brightness
Liar
Liar
Liar
The words like fire in my mind
I thinking I’m breaking
Start shaking
They’ll think I’m faking for attention
I have to get out of here
I peer out of my eyelids squeezed shut to see the bus pull up at the corner of my street
Barely feeling my feet as I walk up the steps and to my seat.
I repeat in my head over and over again
Liar
Liar
Liar
I’m holding on to my very sanity like a tight-rope wire
Liar
Liar
Liar
Don’t let them think you’re just a crier
You have to hold your feelings in
To even begin to be seen as male
All hale my good ol’ friend dysphoria