I never knew I could feel so

Totally, so completely alone.

I walk through a crowd of all

My closest and most special friends,

And yet I have no one.

I try to speak, to raise my voice

But those around me push me down

As if I had a choice.

As if I could be the person

I want and eliminate the reasons

For scorn and for hate.

I would be smarter, funnier, prettier

If only I could control fate.

My soul is forced to withdraw

Into itself as the surrounding world

Continues to scoff and reject me.

So I lie to my dearest and nearest

To my heart so anger and hurt

And confusion won't tear them apart

When they meet the real me.

Dark and dangerous are the secrets

Of my mind.

They are more layered

Than onions with the innermost

Region holding sadistic fears and corrupt

Dreams that must never come to light.

I lie to keep hidden my plight

For honesty would surely be my undoing.