I inhale

lately the oxygen is accompanied

by a dart in my spine

a prick in my mind

but it's just a chill

I exhale

but i'm not as relieved as I should be

it seems like even though I am getting rid of the

negative

there is still something growing inside of me

a mountains

built by the filth of my tongue

a rivers

caused by the thought of his... tongue

where did that even come from?

I turn up volume

maybe if kirk Franklin fills my ears

I wouldn't think about him filling my.. sigh

what has happened to me

a darkness is slowly starting to engulf me

the beckon of the things that I should not find pleasurable

has become louder, brighter

it's grip stronger, HARDER!

There I go again!

I'm corrupt

the replacement of my bible with the numerous spectrum

of the mixture of black and white

dark and light

has led my inability to differentiate between what is

wrong from right

I got to a point where I thought that

following the Lord was straight boring

that sunday service is too much

I mean

I cant really “bump” to gospel music

right

cause that's what it's about

what I can and cannot bump to

who can can and cannot hang out with

if he will or will not want me

if I say that i'm christian?

Now bear with me

take a step back

explain the gratification that comes from

every inappropriate word that comes out of your mouth

tell me how much he's worth

if he drops you for not drooping your panties

the pleaures of the world are only temporary

the only reason we keep going back

for a fourth, fifth, sixth one night stand

or even feen for consecutive orgasms with the same person

is because we are trying to fill the wrong void

we have the pathological liars

who seem to want to fabricate

their experinces and emotions

because they are not happy with

the way their lives are

we worship our cars, spouses,

job, MONEY

developing a fixation on getting more

being better

because we are attempting to fill

a spiritual void with material things

its almost like a two year old trying to put

the square in the circle's slot

it will not fit

in the same way we cannot try to compensate

or bargin with the yearning that we feel for Christ

by replacing it with sex, money LIES

being filled with the spirit of the lord

opens you up to a pleasure that far exceeds

anything that you will feel from the things of the world

but it is hard

you cannot wake up one morning and say

hey im gonna live for God so

automatically all the bad thing will stop

and you'll just be a good lil christian

and skip off into happy merry land

no

it takes time

pray

meditate on the word

learn or relearn about the wonders that God is capable of

all the sacrifices that he made

especially his son

so that we can be here

today

and not long after you will start to see

that all that seemed to matter before

means nothing now that you have Christ

because when the bible said

he came to seek and to SAVE the lost

it truly meant save!

Because in this world of chaos and sin

nothing is more chaotic and therefore

more important than saving

the heart of a lost soul.