I find myself sitting on the steep dirt bank of Deer Creek in Maryland.
I am located within the Susquehanna State Park.
This creek empties into the Chesapeake Bay.
This is where I grew up.
This is comfortable to me.
Surrounded by various types of vegetation.
Tall grasses, sticker bushes, and the trees.
All reach high into the atmosphere competing for adequate sunlight.
The flora has such a will to live and survive
Regardless of what the weather brings onto them.
I can do the same.
I can be as strong as the tree I rest against.
In front of me the splash of a fish jumping out of the water
To consume a bug on the surface is heard every few seconds,
But I am not quick enough to see what type of fish it is.
It is a hot and humid spring afternoon.
The occasional vehicle drives past on the bumpy road behind me
Only twenty feet away.
The driver does not see me.
No one knows I am here.
Insects come and go,
Landing on my body and greeting me with a tickle.
I do no swat them or get annoyed,
But instead feel sorry for them because their life is so short.
I also envy them because I do not think they feel emotion
Or pain the way I have for years.
This is why I am here,
Sitting on this bank and immersed within the calmness of nature.
The only trace of my visit is the many cigarettes that I have smoked
While sitting and contemplating the decisions that I must make in life.
I had to leave my boyfriend of five years.
My first love,
So that I can grow to become the person I really want to be.
Enjoying the thought of being one with nature.
A slight breeze kisses my body and I feel refreshed.
Imagining that my soul is carried away with the breeze.
Off dancing through the brush and across the calm creek.
The sun is shining on me through the trees above and the energy is felt.
I can feel myself trying to heal and let go of this pain.
I had to make an extremely difficult decision.
Make myself happy in the long run.
I will become as strong at the trees,
Able to care for myself the way the fish can.
I will devote my energy to healing.
This is why I have come to this bank.