Hand me Down


United States
Anger never suited me
It never did and i vow it never will
like an oversized hand me down 
It hangs loose about my body
sleeves too wide it catches the wind
Falls past my knees and slips off my shoulders
And The course fabric Irritates vulnerable skin
pinching the most sensitive areas
Catching static to shock me
Oh No, anger has never fit me
Never fit so easily into the soft beat of my heart
Instead it disturbs, blurs the tender pattern till the rhythm turns violent
Pulsating to the frightening beat of a war drum
inciting feelings of bellicose to rage through the darkness
I will myself to shake away the energizing grip
To spit out the foul bitterness anger shoves down my throat
Closing off the mind-clearing air
it strangles my patience
Curls my fist
Furrows my brow
Igniting a burning rage that scorches my insides
Charring them black and brittle
pressing me to let it out So the whole world can share in the thirsty flame
I bite my tongue
That isnt who i am
And That will never be who i want to be
But Still...its getting hard to remember
Maybe im not meant to? 
I can feel the monstrous pillars of smoke rise from the smolder of the burnt city inside me
Slithering out in tiny ways to burn the hand that loves to sting
The tongue that loves to hurt
It leaves an enflamed kiss and Wants more
But thats an awful thing
I wont cave 
And yet Ricochetting off the throbbing walls
Bouncing in the empty cavity words have painfully hallowed out inside me are the watercolored memories
Beautiful pastels of sorrow bleeding to red
 "You are nothing"
"You are nobody"
"You will go no where in life"
"You are ugly"
"You are selfish"
"You dont care"
God After years of endurance
Silent obedience
I've cracked 
I'm broken
but in a different way entirely
I am finally angry
After so many days melted into years can it be okay that i am?
Cause i cant help it anymore
Im Angry
Im angry,Im angry, Im angry
Angry enough to act
Angry enough to pretend to be someone capable of hurting back
Because why should i always be the one patiently standing here being ripped to fuck'n shreds while you vent? 
Cant i be angry too?
Just this once?
That word is such a stranger to my tongue, foreign to my lips
Cause even at the peak of fury i know that isnt me
It isnt me
It isnt me
It cant be me
God please don't let it be
Because iv been caught in the backlash of anger, havent i?
And anger has such an awful connotation, doesn't it?
God please dont let that be me
Another furious heart
And yet if it isnt, how is it im disappointed
disappointed in myself
disgusted in myself for feeling angry
For allowing anger to rise from its embers and rage a wild fire in my chest
For wanting to just walk away
And i worry
I worry im not a good person for feeling this way
For not being good enough of a person to keep letting it go
To keep it from changing myself
And In the deepest folds of twighlight 
I worry that maybe anger fits me like a glove
maybe, just Maybe i have grown big enough to fit this handmedown perfectl


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