Lying in bed wondering what I could have changed

The outcome of the day when you took your last breath and God called your name. 

I wanted you to stay and didn't understand why it had to end

The hugs, the kisses, the encouragement I can't comprehend.

The pain I felt when you took your last breath.

Is this really the end? This really feels like death.

Not just for you but my heart stopped too

When I realized that this would be the last day I would see you.

I was named after you and never expected you to leave me so soon.

Our bond was so precious but now I’m alone in my room.

You told me I could do it and I need to be strong.

But sometimes grandma, I wonder if you had it all wrong.

I don’t feel the strength that you said is in me

But then you visit me in my dreams and still encourage me to be the best that I can be.

Now I have to pull myself up from my puddle of grief

And live the life you told me wouldn’t be easy but you lived it like a chief.

So I stand here tall now as an adult with your name.

And I promise Grandma Alease that I will try to do the same.