The surface is shallow

it doesn't reveal

Frozen, a doll's face

of porcelain

Seemingly angelic

it lies 

it cheats

 

The marble is cracking

The gloves are off

For God's sake, pay no mind 

to that curtain

For it is my very last defense.

 

There's a darkness behind it

halo supported by horns

What you don't see is shameful

hidden by my flat stomach

hidden by my downcast eyes

 

What you don't see is how I,

Miss perfect

Miss pure

have been marred by bad decisions

 

Lost a home

Lost a family

Lost my child.

 

Let my heart float down the river

left my life in shambles

Tears in the dark

flowing ever freely

Smiles in the light

plastered on uncomfortably

 

Nobody knows about the

(sex)

Nobody knows about the

(baby)

Nobody knows how

(broken)

I feel

Nobody knows how much I can

(suffer)

on the inside

 

but I am

in a sense

Untouched.

I have nothing to worry about

no one will suspect

But that hardly matters

when I'm falling apart before their eyes.

 

One can only say,

"It's nothing"

"I'm fine"

"No worries"

for so long

One can only wish

for that sorrow to leave

For that mask to become opaque again

 

So I can come out from behind that curtain

to put up another wall

blocking the gilded brick road

leading to my heart.

It's just another day

so pay no attention to the curtain

It's always there anyway.