i am flawed

i have

F     ears of the color red of animals of my life being monitored of spiders of bees of ants of germs of failure of loss of death of gaining weight of being a burden of of of

L     oathsome qualities that cause people to talk behind my back that cause people to hate me that cause people to ignore me that cause people to avoid me that cause people that cause people that cause people

A     norexia that eats at my brain until i skip a meal until i lose five pounds until i dont struggle putting on my jeans until i until i until i

W     rong stapled on my forehead i am wrong in my opinion of school i am wrong in my opinion of food i am wrong in my opinion of my church in my opinion of in my opinion of in my opinion of i am wrong

E     nvy for others i want nicer hair i want a thinner waist i want stronger arms i want prettier eyes i want smaller mood swings i want more friends i want trendier clothes i want clearer skin i want i want i want i want i want i want

D     isesases in my mind that cause me to feel sad even when i should be happy especially when i should be happy that cause me to hear voices that cause me to have two personalities that argue and abuse each other that cause me to starve myself that once caused me to take twenty seven tylenol pills which led to a trip to the emergency room which led to throwing up all night which led to a week in a psychiatric ward in a mental hospital which led to my diagnosis which led to medication which led to which led to which led to releases which led to writing which led to which led to which led to

i am flawed.

but i am flawless

i am flawless in the way i care for children

i am flawless in my love for family

i am flawless in my faith in my church

i am flawless in my passion for theatre

i am flawless in my belief that no matter how far away i am from success and no matter how hard i fall down i can always brush the dirt off my shoulders and walk away from the crap in my life with a bleeding knee and scraped elbows but i am strong enough to walk away. I am strong. I am enough.

I am flawless.