Finding someone who is caring,

Finding someone who is caring, careful, conscientious is far more difficult than I’d like it to be.When I found you I felt at peace, I felt like the world finally had meaning, motive, mind.When I met you my anxiety emerged its way back out of the depths of my mind and made its presence known. Saying, ¨you don't deserve this” and when I asked you if that foul voice spoke any truth you looked me in the eyes and said ¨no, darling¨. When you finally held me in your arms, I felt the world around me disappear and my mucky, mountainous thoughts of self hatred subsided and I asked- as to understand how I could feel so good- “why are you so good to me" and you simply said ¨because I love you¨When you would tell me I was worth the world and more, I believed it; and when you said I would achieve great things it made the voice in my head driving me to succeed even louder, and when you kissed my lips and said I had a beautiful soul I felt it and it was all “Because I loved you” I try my hardest to love myself and think of myself in the same respect as the people I give great status to, but it’s so hard when your brain is on numb from all the abuse you’ve suffered and it wants to just shut down.My mental state is acting up and I cried upon god and any other supernatural forces I could consider to ask for my help, and instead of a fictional knight in shining armor coming to my rescue I found you.I didn’t ask for you, but I got you. While you didn’t cure me of my trauma you made me strong enough to come to terms with it and fight it, why?  “Because I love you” Meeting you forced me to come face to face with my demons that I had been trying to shove down so deep inside me, hoping they would just drown in the dark so I wouldn’t have to acknowledge their gross presence.You did this because, you wanted me to see myself the way you saw me… beautiful, brave, beaming. It was all this love that made me a better person and it was all this love that made you happy and made me happy in turn because, I felt like I had a place in someone's life and that made me feel like I could make a difference. You gave me power. A very hard thing to understand is how someone can find so much strength in one person and, I the only explanation I can think of is  “Because I love you” Love is powerful, and someone loving me is something I didn't think I would be able to understandMe, held accountable finally for my years of hating myself and hurting myself felt nice,it didn't feel like work to love myself; you made it easy. You made my soul feel soothed, solemn, satisfied ¨Because I love you¨ When you would call me over the phone and ask how I was doing, I would respond with fine even when I wanted to end my life because, in that moment my brain decided I wasn't worth it anymore; whispered evil into my ear and you could tell I was not okay. You would insist I told you, because holding it in wasn't good and you knew it would continue to eat away at me so you persisted. ¨Because you loved me¨ I never knew I could feel such love, love that was so genuine and real; this was all new to me, but even then I could feel you were unsure... I didn't want the love to end, but I could tell, I could feel you becoming distant and your mood changing- you were unsure of this, because you didn’t know what you wanted and I'm sorry we both had to endure this ¨I think we should breakup¨Something I didn't want to hear, I knew this could happen but that doesn't mean that when you expressed to me that there had been an internal battle in your head I wasn't in shock, upset, flabbergasted¨why?¨You didn’t want me to have to suffer like you once did, when that lost girl of yours broke your heart- wondering if you were good enough because the person you once loved didn’t know they wanted you and you knew that it would eat away at me if you kept this goingYou’re a strong man, but you know what it feels like to wonder if the world hates you, if the only person in the world you want to notice you even thinks about you, and hate yourself so much you actually start to present yourself that way  ¨because I love you¨  It was your love that made me strong again and feel like more of a person than I was before meeting you and that I will never lose even though we have lost each other, and I could  never forget someone who was so kind to me, thank you but new beginnings are new and I must let you go because as for respect to myself I must allow myself to move on and grow because you loved me, you let me go,And now because I love myself, I am letting you go, goodbye, “Because I love me” 

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Thank you Rebecca 

A request, as Im new, would you be able to help me bookmark your poems / page ?




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