Emasculate, Effeminate

The fact that I hold the door open for girls does NOT make me a lesbian.

I fantasize about guys way more than I should.  Fulfilling my desires, egged on by horniness, however, is NOT my top priority. I know a gentleman who can be the biggest doofus at times, but I proudly call him my significant other.  He fills every requirement of a gentleman. If he dared disrespect anyone, he would apologize in an instant. He stands up for his beliefs and does not let others pressure him into sketchy situations.

I remember some situations in which I found myself, alone and afraid, stranded without a shred of conviction that what I had done previously made any sense. It may seem like my mind rambles and makes excuses for everyone around me, but that gives me no right to self-denial.

Guys and girls are equally attractive to me in completely different ways. I cannot deny that I have a problem with sexual repression. It distracts me from being a good student, and honest person. I lie to save face, for myself and for her.

She loves me; I know that. I cannot help but wonder if I'm falling for her, too.


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