Forgive my pessimism

but I am not inclined 

to believe every word that slips out 

of your mouth.

My lips have meddled in with yours -

you have caught me in your trap once,

but my heart

is not too eager,

my heart will not be enthralled as my lips have

by the delicate curls of your mouth.

I will not buy into your words.

 

when you say you love me,

when you say you cannot

live without me by your side,

I wonder,

what me you are referring to

the me you have seen

is not the me I have been

for most of my life.

the me you have seen

is merely a screen,

polished and cleaned

altered to meet your standards.

 

you see you cannot say you love me

when the spit from my mouth hasn't

garnished your face.

you cannot say you cannot live without me

when the green in my eyes

has not pierced deep into your soul.

you have not seen the blue in my eyes,

the sea of tears they have drowned in.

your esteem has never been the object of my wrath.

or your face the subject of my scrutiny.

my sticks and stones 

haven't broken your bones

and my words have never hurt you. 

 

you love the wide curve of my mouth

and the echoes of my laughter.

you love me in the afternoon 

when the sun shines brightly 

and illuminates the best parts of my polished face.

of my polished self.

not in the morning,

when my mask has fallen

and my smears 

are in plain view.

nor in the night 

when my eyes are tired 

from watering 

and my blood is drowning 

in booze.

 

don't.

 don't tell me you love me.

you don't even know me.