The Disappointed Blessing

I've turned into the monster I told myself I'd never be
There's been a heaviness in my heart that I thought was temporary
But now it's become a matter of consistency 
And every single time it's with more intensity
I refuse to believe it may be anxiety
"How are you feeling?" I don't know, a whole damn variety. 
Keeping my silence for the ones that I love
So that they don't have to worry about me leading myself to the above
I am disappointed in myself as much as you are.
But you know with every battle, there's an eternal scar.
It'll be healed, believe me, you won't even notice
But it'll stay visible, if I could control this
I'd take it away by the blink of an eye
But for now, I need to deal with this inner demon of mine
So as I bring this potential source of death to light
I'm clearing every single thought that has ever crossed my mind
Just for a few minutes, it's all I'm asking for
But if this turns to another direction....
Please forgive me Lord.
I am not suicidal
I am not depressed
I don't know what this feeling is
Maybe I'm just stressed
But whatever it is, please take it away
I know I don't deserve it, but I need you to lay
Your healing hands on this confused heart of mine
Remove these thoughts from my indecisive mind
A heart of gold with bad decision
I lay my future in your glorious vision
But for now in this dreading time of night
I comfort my body in this corner
As the yin and yang in my heart and head begin to fight
If you can, please give a helping hand... To your daughter.

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