Delusion of Death
My feet hang down, warmed by the freezing water
My soles brushing the pebbles that cover the bottom
It feels as though the water is trying to drag my body away
Away from the life that I cling to with graying hands and fingers that I can’t even uncurl anymore
Nothing here is warm anymore- maybe it never was in the first place
Water clear and cold and impossible to fight
Dark liquid drops into the water rushing past
Drops of blood soil the water, sink to the bottom and get carried away
Streaming blood like tears- it draws dark lines down my cheeks, what is left of my eyes
I can’t see anymore- maybe I never could in the first place
My throat is sore from screaming, raw from crying
I have lost track of how long I have been here
I think I knew once, in the beginning, before I realized
That all the screaming and crying and begging was useless
No one is going to help me anymore- maybe they never were going to in the first place
The water crashes against the slab my body is thrown over, warm against my skin
I know that it is not warm
It is simply warmer than I am
It continues to move while I cannot even manage to draw my legs up to my chest as I shiver in both cold and fear
Nothing can live here anymore- maybe nothing ever could in the first place
I can’t see a thing
I can hear only the water
All I feel is cold pricking every inch of skin I posses and some that is not even mine
I wonder is now is when I die
I wonder if I am already dead
Nothing makes sense anymore. Maybe it never did.