sometimes when i'm alone you rattle through my head

you are loud yet gentle

i make it a point not to listen to you, as if by doing so i am winning a prize

if forgetting the last lines of the first verse is the prize

then i suppose i am winning

 

i used to listen to you and for something like four minutes everyhing felt

exactly like it was supposed to

i dont know how things are supposed to be

but the person i was did not care

she simply does, shooting in the dark

not much has changed except now i am not shooting in the dark to a soundtrack

of teenage angst

it's gentler now... and so am i

 

i fell in love with a boy who could talk to me about you and anything else-

the way they do in the movies, effortlessly

he told me how i broke his heart when we were in eighth grade

and i didn't know what to say, so i just listened to you

the tears gleamed in my eyes like jewels

he told me it was okay, we were okay now

maybe not in the ways we wished

so we shared headphones and listened to you

he took the guitar solo and i always had the drums

for four minutes we were in our own cover band where all we did was play 

invisible instruments and silently mouth all of your words that we had

committed to memory

 

i never stopped loving that boy, but perhaps things were not meant to be

i fell in a tangled soft sort of love

he did not listen to you and neither did i anymore

but on nights when i had no one to talk to, i had you

he showed me other things, softer songs that sounded like you in the choruses

we talked about music a lot, we never danced

 

you arent really a dancing song and im not much of a dancer anyways

we stopped talking right before it got cold

 

you sound as angry as i felt that winter

but they say you are what you consume and i was tired of being angry and sad

i wanted to be happy

so i stopped listening to you and everything that sounded like you

but that dosnt mean i didnt miss you

or him...

i just had to stop giving myself to the both of you

 

this is why when i put in the CD with you on it from two years ago i get the words

wrong

i stumble over them like they are my feet and i am trying to keep up with

my friends at our last highschool homecoming

i hum the instrumental before it starts and blush in my own embarrassment 

this is how falling out of love works

it is slow

it happens over a period of time and perhaps most of your love is gone

before you even start to realize it

it is gone and you cant get it back

you just don't need it anymore

 

the same way i don't need you anymore

and the only thing left to do is

thank you,

for everything