There's a pattern to winning arguments:
Some rules that you must heed.
It takes a special kind of soul,
And sometimes sickly deeds.

Always be polite and calm.
Be careful with your words.
Undermine their confidence;
Become one with the "nerds."

Listen to the other side.
Do not pick a fight.
With these battles of the mind,
Never say you're right.

Above all else, learn to lie.
With this you will progress.
Even if you know you're wrong,
You must not confess.

With all these regulations,
You will taint your soul,
But won't it all be worth it
When you gain control?

They soon will admit to you
That they know they lost.
Though you may hurt some feelings,
In the end it's worth the cost.

So if you listen to these words,
Regardless of the sin,
No matter who or what you are,
You are sure to win.