I miss you, 

because without you,

my life feels like,

a punch in the gut, 

a curse word yelled in the middle of a public prayer,

falling, 

falling hard, 

off a ledge so high it hurts to look down, 

off a mountain so large that when you reach the top and look down the smallest thing you can see is an airplane crashing through the air at a lower altitude, 

crushing, 

like a soda can between your fingers,

slowly cutting your hands because you just can't let go, 

like a car crashing against a brick wall, 

totaled. 

Just like the car, 

that's how i'm starting to feel, 

without you,

my hands are so empty without yours to fill the spaces,

anymore,

my back is so cold without your arms wrapped around me, 

I can barely breathe when I lose sight of you,

Broken. 

Like a record on repeat,

Like a little kid falling on his arm after slipping from a tree branch,

like window glass after a break-in,

Betrayed,

like when a man pulls a gun on his son,

like when your best friend talks about you behind your back,

hushed whispers, 

and she still has the nerve to look you in the eyes,

that's how I feel without you,

lonely. 

like a man on a deserted island,

all alone,

like a single mother trying to raise her kids,

no father in sight, 

without help from her friends or parents,

without you,

my life is a poem,

albiet a depressing,

exhausting,

disaster,

just like the poet herself.

as the words spill onto the page,

inkdrop by inkdrop,

line by line,

flowing,

no, 

clinging, 

onto the page,

she loses herself,

she loses more and more time,

slowly she fades,

into the darkness,

into black,

no,

darker than black,

the absence of light,

is white, 

she fades into white,

because after all, 

without you,

was there ever any light at all?

don't answer,

because if you say yes,

you're wrong,

without you,

there is no sun,

no smiles on a lovely day,

no hair blowing through the wind on a long car ride,

no feet up on the dash,

no country song,

could ever compare, 

to my love for you, 

you are my sun, 

not my literal son,

not my child,

my sunlight,

burning and singeing me, 

my provider of light, 

you are like a plant,

without you,

I'd have no oxygen,

so why, 

oh why,

don't you understand,

when I look you in the eyes,

and the hurt,

is flashing on my face,

don't  you try to understand,

how I feel,

without my sunlight?

because without you,

I am nothing, 

a speck, 

at most,

a speck in  a sea of people,

people who don't know me or my story,

people who don't understand,

people who's smiles don't reach their eyes,

people who's tears flow like puddles,

while mine are stronger,

mine are like rivers,

without you,

rivers flooding from the tears,

that i've cried over you,

like a monday morning,

grudgingly, 

I awaken,

every.

single.

day.

only to face,

a world without the smiles,

I took to heart,

words cannot express,

my feelings for you,

I lie waiting,

alone,

just for you,

my sun,

my plant,

my sweet,

to come home, 

to me.