Blood seeps into every corner, every edge and every turn of my nails and for every heartbeat that echoes in my rib cage

 

voices starts to yell.

 

My world starts to spin, as I realize my sin. The rosary that I hold so dear to my chest starts to slip through my fingers.

 

Forgive me, father, for I have sinned.

 

The voices remind that of the promises I mumbled  to him, under a flying white veil. And I promised him forever. I promised him the wildfire that spread within me and I promised him the stars that hold eternity, because I couldn’t give him much.

 

Forgive me, father

 

The voices remind me that his skin brushed against mine when he laid with me, trying to fathom that how I lost control of my body  for nearly a year. My body was taken over, it was no longer mine.

 

I didn’t mind- knowing that I will cradle my little girl when she is born into this beautiful world.

 

The blade of a knife slaughtered my stomach only to find  

 

that my little girl was only born to die.

 

She spent sixty minutes of life, struggling. My little girl was a warrior, but now her name lingers on earth, only by whispers of the winds that I only listen to.

 

Stretch marks run up my thighs, every damn morning and  I nearly collapse.

 

The closest I have gotten to her was dropping scarlet red rose petals on her casket.

 

Forgive me, father.

 

And voices are not afraid to remind me that the days that he would  pick me up from the dusty kitchen floor as the bruises and words that came from my own mother, would shatter my mind once more. I was unwanted, the poison from her lips would spit. Ironic isn’t? When a child is unwanted, she is given life but when a child is desperately wanted… her lungs collapse.

 

I cried and I screamed. These thoughts are too much.

 

An uncontrollable storm I was. My own children feared me.

 

My own. Children feared me.

 

Forgive me, father.

 

The voices remind me that his bones crumbling and his weakness, but he was strong. He tried to hold me up, but we both collapsed

 

 

But it was him who flatlined

 

Forgive me, father for I have sinned.

 

The voices are getting louder!

 

Whispers worth a thousand needles attack my ears. Stop, I try to yell, but the voices pay no mind to my pleas.

 

I was his cancer, the doctors lied! He held me up for so long that his bones started to crack, not because his body started to give up.  

I killed him.

 

I killed him, I killed him, I killed him, I killed him, I killed him.

 

The sixth command, thou shalt not kill.

 

the voices scream with a smirk cracking on their lips.

 

But the voices are

inside in my head and no one else can hear them.