You called to ask me how I was today

Though the last time we talked I was breaking your heart. 

You were yelling and you were crying and you said I was to blame. 

Everything I did hit you and knocked you down you said 

3 years with you

My sheer presence was something you said you couldn’t recover from 

 

You said you hoped I would feel the pain I caused you-

That it was the only way- because you loved me, I could be better. 

Because you loved me I deserved that pain too

Because you loved me you said you wouldn’t let me go 

 

But because you loved me, you’d never forget to remind me how sad I made you

Because you loved me it was your duty to show me my wrongs. 

Because you loved me you said “I could never be happy without you- you are my world”

I said, because I loved you, I couldn’t be your whole world. 

And, because you loved me, you started to yell and scream 

Because that is how you love. 

 

And, because you really loved me, you tell me how I used to be. 

You built up fantasies of some madonna dressed in white, 

a fantasy of a goddess whom you aspired me to be. 

 

Because you loved me, you built that image, and when it was corrupted-

you exploded into constant jealousy, dependency, and fear. 

But because I loved you- I let you. 

 

I let you yell and scream and because that is how we love, and I just sat and thought 

“I will brave this because this is how I know he loves me”

 

And when I know this is over 

When I know, because I love you, this had to end,

I let you tell me every wrong I have ever done

I let you wish my pain be great

I let you curse my name

I let you call me “bitch” and “cunt” and “whore”

I let you throw everything you’ve got at me.

Because I know this is how you love me.

 

And, because I love you, I sit there and take it.

I let you deflect any wrongs or responsibilities

I let you ignore every name, every bruise, every mental manipulation you have

Inflicted. 

 

And today, when you called to ask how I was feeling

"I was free I was happy I was changed"

I realized I no longer wanted you to love me

Leaving you made me realize

I wanted to love me. 

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