Back To The Beginning

For the past year or so, I have not been feelling like who I used to be,

And no matter how hard I tried, I was not okay when I just tried to be me.

I kept doubting myself, and I became someone that I did not recognize,

And when I looked in the mirror, I could not tell who I was when I looked in my own eyes.

I was that girl who always worked hard and believed in myself, even when no one else did,

And I was always very hopeful and optimistic, and in many ways I had an innocence similar to that of a little kid.

I never told anyone about the dreams that I had because I was afraid of what other people would think,

And it left me feeling so depressed, and it caused me to feel like my heart was starting to sink.

No matter what anyone said, I always believed in myself, and allowed myself to see the good in all kinds of situations,

And I always knew that I could do whatever I set my mind to because I had such a strong foundation.

As time went on, and people started to bring me down more and more, it became harder to keep this attitude,

And I realized that these people in my life did not have the same amount of gratitude.

I finally realized that in order to be the girl that I want to be, I am going to have to spend a lot of time alone,

So I can once again become the girl that I have always known.

It took me a long time to realize that I need to take care of me, and to not worry about anyone else,

Because at the end of the day, the only person that I need to take care of is myself.

I am not going to lie, I sat around yesterday and I just cried,

Because the little girl in me that is broken is getting harder and harder to hide.

At the same time, I also felt so much better when I woke up today,

And I realized that maybe things needed to happen in this way.

Maybe I needed to allow myself to break down and to let out all of these feelings that I have been holding in,

And trying to keep everything inside and not allowing myself to feel the pain has been causing my head to spin.

I have not talked to anyone in over three days, and I think this was exactly what I needed to do,

And I finally feel like I am allowing myself to understand and to cope with everything that I have been through.

I am not saying that I am going to keep everyone at a distance forever,

But so far, my mindset and my life has already been getting better.

For at least the next three months, I really need to focus and work on me,

Because I want to become the girl that I have always wanted to be.


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