Why can’t I simply

Walk in?

The doors, they gleam

Their thick glass, it seems

Impenetrable.

Inside I know their eyes

Will corner me into the wall

Why is it that they all

Must stare so directly; so frighteningly; so unblinking?

If I finally decide

To step inside

The cool air will envelope my being

Yet I will still sweat and swelter and dream of fleeing

My hands and voice will shake profusely

I will be on the dangerous brink of crying

My eyes may become glassy

My cheeks will flush a furious shade of deep cherry

After I finish stumbling over my tangled sentences and jumbled words

I will retreat, I will lower my head, and I will feel shame

Waves of humiliation will wash over me and I’ll wish I could explain

How deeply I regret becoming vulnerable

I should have known; I should have seen

That they would never be quite keen

On listening intently.

But

What if I were to walk inside?

Push past those intimidating double doors

With their cold, shiny glass

The air will feel refreshing as I enter in

I feel confident, and ready to begin

Their eyes will seem welcoming and warm

Inviting me to step closer, make myself at home

My body will be at ease, their will be no need to shiver or shake

Only the need to hold my head up high and not consider all the possible mistakes

I could and very well may make

Instead of turning me away

Or giving me grief for feeling a certain way

They will understand and love and appreciate

What I have prepared to share and say

I should have known, I should have seen

That loving and kind is all they would be

Here I stand, determined and strong

I will walk in

I will belong.