I will not

I will not

These words repeat in my head

Over and over and over

I will not cry

Not in front of you I must be strong

Because if I’m not strong then who will be

I will not spend my day in bed

Any time I feel a little sad this is the first place I go you see

And if I stay there then that means the sadness is defeating me

I will not say how hurt I am by even the teacher not noticing me in class

I won’t say because if I was her I would ignore me to

I’m just the kid with bright red hair that tries to hide in the corner barely scraping buy 

I will smile

And one day with enough practice maybe I’ll actually mean it

I will laugh

 Because when that air escapes my lungs it releases a little of the sadness

I will not

I will not

I play these words

Over and over and over in my head

And remind myself I am nowhere near dead