April 20, 2017. 12:41 am

"That's the thing I craved, I craved your security, I craved your estate. I craved those nights in California where we'd stay up late. Those nights we spent, bodies twisted in each other, mixed feelings of abandonment and tortured love. Broken hearts, young bodies, and something resembling lust. The truth is you're the only place that ever feels like home. You're the only one whose arms ever feel secure, you're the only one who can tear me apart, you're the only one to prove I ever had a heart. Now in the silence I can see a lot of things, now in the darkness I can see your light so clearly, now in these moments I can feel it fade away, but something like my stubbornness and pride won't let this die. Or maybe it's you who still feels the same, take a good look at me in the eyes and lie...Tell me that you'll never feel the same, tell me that you're never coming back, tell me that you found something better and leave me painted black. All these dark nights with the candles on that smell like you, all the damned sheets with the feel and scent of you. Remember our imaginary kids? Remember all these broken dreams? Sit down my dear, let's talk this out, we can sing into the night to early morning, trust me we will work this out. Remember when you got off the plane, all I could see was you. That one lovestruck idiot that couldn't help but stare, he couldn't help your luggage up, he couldn't sit beside you because he was too afraid, he was too nervous, he wasn't sure if he'd ever wake up from this dream coming true. So he stayed asleep, buried it inside and kept it in a glass case for all to see. A place that says you can see but cannot feel, until eventually get tired and lose all your interest. Until it reminds you of the cold sting of winter, but what did you know of winter back then? All you knew was California and just warm and then hotter one day after the next. All these seasons like my emotions changing with the days. Going coast to coast, was it ever your dream? Can you hear me screaming now at the top of my lungs? No amount of visual imagery can ever capture the feeling of drowning while still on dry land, the ironic thing was that- drowning over water, I never learned to float, yet here I am once again just learning how to swim.  All the memories we had and all the things you left behind, the only traces of you here and the ones left in my mind. All the memories you left behind...and all the ones we could have made."