I traumatize myself
My white walls
Anxiety hovers over me

when patients and people enter

2002
It started when she was nine years old,
her grandfather was laying there in his hospital bed.

She wasn’t sure what was going on but before I knew it she started crying
and she was taken out of the room to get apple juice.
He died from stomach cancer.
Her grandmother was alone now, their hearts were broken.

2004
Her baby brother was born
Premature, healthy, the new addition
She couldn’t visit him in the hospital though, had to fill out papers
12 days later, he passed in her mother’s arms
Apparently the nurse stuck the feeding tube too far down his throat
Blood was all that came up
No charges were filed

2011

March

In the back room, his dead body lay

Family and friends gathered crying hysterically

Rumors of the possible killer lingered in my air vents

Echoes of silence filled my capacity until

A hard knock on the door

“Daryl’s been shot”

I screamed up the stairs to my mother

She drove to the hospital with his friend

October

“He’s unconscious” was the only thing we knew

of the

motorcycle crash victim.

His wife said we could see him; she wasn’t aware what she was talking about

but she went back there with her brother and saw her dad

Covered in a white blanket only his head showing,

a tube covering his mouth, eyes shut, EKG machine off

It was clear that he had passed

She had never seen this before, it was

the hardest thing she had ever done

Her heart was pounding, hearing the sobs of her brothers

made her weak

She needed

to get out of there

and she did,

broke down in her mother’s arms

The final viewing came, they identified him and then took him away

Everyone left and I was left to my own thoughts

I do not mean to do this you know

I am not sure what is going to happen once the doctor leaves the room

I must admit that it is hard to see people deal with death

It is not my fault that death lurks around this place, what can I do?

I am just a building that keeps the patients safe, healthy, and dead.