Holding You Close and Letting You Go
I know you're scared right now
and I don't blame you at all.
What you do is brave.
It takes all the strength I know
is building up inside you.
Don't try to hide it,
don't bullshit me.
I see what's imperceptible to most,
those tiny changes in your face,
just before you change them again.
In time, that face will change
and I worry that I will not know
that new face as well as the one
I have grown to love over so many years.
I am proud of you for wanting to change
that face to the one you feel
you were meant to have in the first place.
I am so proud of the person you are
and the one that you strive to become.
I once promised that I would never leave you
which is why I never tell you just
how scared I am to lose the man I love,
even though deep down I know
I am never going to lose you.
I once told you I wanted that relationship
with someone, anyone, who knew me
well enough to know what I am saying
without me ever having to say it.
Somehow, without me even realizing it,
you became that to me.
So don't bullshit me when you say
don't worry, that you're alright,
when I know that you are terrified
of living one day into the next.
Let me protect you from the world outside,
just for a little while longer,
until the world comes to find us.
Let me hold your hands tight,
stroke your fingers with mine,
holding on and letting go of them
in squeezing to remind you I'm there.
Let me run my hands through your hair,
gently rubbing your head, your arms, your back,
the way that you told me you liked.
Let me tell you just how beautiful you are,
always have been, always will be,
despite the fact that I know you never listen.
But you know that I don't bullshit you,
that was another promise to you
you know I'll never break.
So know I'm not lying when I say
that I'll be with you always.