The girl who I intend to be
Location
Pay no mind to the girl behind the curtain
She’s not the girl who I intend to be
So don’t listen to her words
Don’t encourage her actions
She’s not the person I want you to see
I woke up one day to find
That I was her
And that she was me
I am not the freethinker
whom I strive to be
Nor the leader
that I wish to be
Never have I been the poet
I try to be
But the girl that you see
She’s closer to these things than me
Make no mistake
She is not who I intend to be
She’s angrily isolated
Can’t find the words
Too afraid to speak
Feels her voice has faded
Struggles to get up
Hard time staying focused
Uninterested and unmotivated
But she’s come a long way from being me
At this moment
I’m someone who I don’t know
Still someone I’m proud to be
I’m not the person who I was a year ago
Nor even the person I was yesterday
Everyday I feel like
Someone I don’t truly know
Always inching closer
To a person I want to be
She walks
She smiles
She looks like me
Yet she doesn't talk
Or cry
Or stare like me
She lives on the other side of this looking glass
In her own wonderland
A world of magic
I envy her
She can run there
whenever things are tragic
Yet I have to hide my face
I have to wear a mask
I don’t have that safe place
I can cover the tears
Numb the pain
Take on the world
Ignoring my fears
Keep going forward
Never glancing back
Throwing away all I’ve held dear
All to become the girl who I intend to be
I can crumble
I can break
Never speak
Only mumble
Struggle to keep balance
But in the end
Always fumble
I could always stay the girl behind the curtain.
But that’s not who I’ve chosen to be
I’m slowly ripping off the mask
It’s a very painful process
If you’re going to ask
With every piece that falls away
On my face I feel a scar
With every patch of exposed skin
A bruise forms in its place
My reflection constantly tells me
“It’s because this is who you are”
“This is the price for your sin”
Yet still I will pull off the mask
Until there is none of it left.
One day you’ll see
I will become the person I fight to be
And the girl behind the curtain
She’ll just be a reflection of the old me