family abuse

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I came to the hospital  And i wanted help for me Do i need the help Or can they kill me please  
is this abuse? if it wasn't before you tell me i'm invalid a monster a cruel being to this beautiful world you brought me in , you can take me out threats, how obscure
   My memory is marked by a beating of the heart One beat stay alive, yet one beat to shut it down When I think back, every memory is in blue
i wish you the worst, the same that you wished me i hope you drown, just like you told me you looked me in the eyes, spring of twenty eighteen you fucked me up, and i should've just screamed
The girl and the woman 
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